I remember my sophomore year in college me and my friends made a list with all the characteristics we wanted in a husband. Yes a LIST. With bullet points, sub-categories…the works. Including things like: he has to be at least six feet tall, he has to have a six pack, he has to own a car, he has to have a college degree, he has to have a six-figure salary…
I knowww that sounds shallow, because it is! But most of you have probably done it to! (in your head at least…)
However, if I made the same list now. It would be totally different.
Now I can go down a list on what I want in a guy, and none of it is physical or materialistic. It really all depends on how he complements me and makes me feel. Of course we can fall in love with our eyes, but it’s something more that makes you fall in love with your heart.
It’s funny to me when my older brother asked me the other day “how did that ugly m-f get that girl?” –well I don’t know her life, but I can probably guess he treats her how she wants to be treated.
Remember the phrase “don’t settle“?
When men think “don’t settle”, they think don’t settle for nothing but the “baddest” girl out there.
When women think “don’t settle” they think don’t settle to be loved less than you deserve.
To me, and to most women, love is not what can be seen but what can be felt. Maybe it’s because we are indeed more in touch with our emotions. Love is not a series of traits but a connection. I can date the hottest guy and have no real emotional bond and would probably leave him for the guy I create that bond with. (Some women of course can have other priorities and motives.)
So what should the phrase don’t settle mean?
Truth is, if you’re in your 20s you should seek stricter standards when it comes to love and relationships. Just because someone is hot, does not make them a good boyfriend or girlfriend. In high school and even in college, everyone dated everyone — but in your mid 20s there’s no sense in being with someone whom you can’t picture yourself happily with in the foreseeable future. Don’t get me wrong, at times I support fixing damaged relationships, but trying to glue back a thousand broken pieces while getting cut in the process is unhealthy. Embrace being alone, being independent, being single. Love yourself, treat yourself, take care of yourself.
It’s better to be alone than to be with someone that doesn’t appreciate you. My grandma always told me that one of the things she loved most about my grandpa was that he thought she was the greatest thing on earth.
That will forever stick with me. And I hope it sticks with you.
I went to life coach Tony Gaskin’s seminar at Colombia University this past Friday, and have a couple more things to share, similar but a little deeper than I’m willing to go right now.
In the meantime Google him, Youtube him, read some of his books. He deserves a post of his own so I’ll share my life-changing experience in another blog post soon.