On the beach on a breezy sunny day in California I read “The Four Agreements: A Toltec Wisdom Book” by Don Miguel Ruiz. Whether it was the perfect weather, the sound of the ocean, or the sand between my toes… I was completely overwhelmed with self-peace and inspiration. I thought I would share a couple of points from this book.
I will share that after following these ” four agreements”, life has become a bit easier. Well I still have bills to pay, still working three jobs, so not necessarily easier, but simpler…and happier. I feel as though nothing can really upset me, especially not the action’s of other people; because as we all know we can’t control other people we can only control ourselves, but that’s just it, we don’t even do that. We don’t even control our own emotions. We are impulsive and we cause ourselves the stress, the heartache, the pain… because most of it is mental. Most of our problems we make up in our mind. Clever how Don Miguel Ruiz called his book “The Four Agreements” and not the four rules, or the four amendments. Agreements because these are things we promise ourselves to live by, it’s kind of negotiating with yourself “okay I can do this” for the betterment of self.
Agreement #1: Be Impeccable with Your Words
This is the most important one, and the most difficult one to honor. It sounds very simple, but it is very, very powerful. It is the most powerful tool you have as a human. The gift to express yourself and communicate. But like a double edge sword, your words can used for good, or bad.
So. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself, or to gossip about others. Your words are powerful and can really hurt or bring negativity towards someone (or most importantly towards yourself). Never say anything negative about yourself. “I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m stupid.” You being down on yourself can affect you tremendously… more than you can ever image. So start with you. Be your number one fan, speak highly of yourself…soon you will start to fall in love with yourself. Never say anything negative to other people. Don’t gossip or lie, because at the end of the day that reflects your character. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. With your words alone you can spread a lot of good in the world.
Agreement #2: Don’t take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. If you don’t let it phase you, it won’t phase you.
Living in New York City has its moments. I work around a lot of successful people. All they do is work. You will be surprised how mean some successful people at the top are. I’ve had moments when bosses or clients take out their anger on me, yell at me, or are rude to me for no reason… in my head I smile and think “they probably are more miserable than I am.” If someone is talking negative about you, gossiping or trying to take you down, they are just trying to spread their misery. Misery does love company, but don’t let them bring you down, that’s their misery, not yours.
Agreement #3: Don’t Make Assumptions
Again the mind plays more tricks on us than our heart does. Most assumptions are wrong. It is lack of knowledge that makes us assume. Our mind wants to know and control our situation and surroundings that when we don’t know something, our mind makes it up. But along with staying true to yourself and not taking things personally, TO STOP ASSUMING is BIG. Once I stopped, I found an immediate sense of peace. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Step out of that comfort zone. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life!
Agreement #4: Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret. Do what you can, to be the best person you can be. This is why… I read, I eat healthy, I stay active, I write, I research, I go to seminars, I expand my knowledge, I trust, I kiss, I love. Why wouldn’t I want to be the best version of me?
You can feed into the negative or feed into the positive. The choice of being happy or unhappy is yours. Live wisely.