1. Work a full-time job, two part-time jobs, have a freelance business, and several standing gigs that you pick up when rent’s due. Work a combined total of 80+ hours a week.
2. Really. Work a lot. Don’t sleep.
3. Live uptown.
4. No, higher uptown.
5. Have you tried Queens?
6. Do your grocery shopping uptown because they sell avocados for 70 cents each!… Wait. Forget that. You don’t know where they sell cheap avocados. You never knew where they sell cheap avocados. Leave my cheap avocados alone.
7. Make a budget for everything. Include your food, your transportation, your shampoo, and your morning coffee.
8. Forget the words “latte,” “cappuccino,” “frappumacaramelwhatthehell” were ever invented. Save approximately $1.50 per cup of all-black everything.
9. Talk your boss into providing the office with unlimited complimentary coffee.
10. Don’t get cable. Use your parents’ HBOgo account instead. They have Glitter on…
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